Confession; My Unpredictable Emotions.

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Felicitygists.com anonymous confession

Hello felicians greetings to everyone,  please hide my identity, I have a problem and I’ll like to seek for advice. Growing up I barely had anything to do with guys. I mean I had just few male friends. I never allowed any guy to touch me not even by the arm.I never hugged any guy as well. Everyone saw me as holy and some even called me virgin Mary including my mom. I wasn’t that holy as everyone perceived me because, I used to watch erotic movies and I watched porn on three different occasions. That made me not that holy but apart from this I never did any bad stuff. In Shs I was really worried cus I thought probably I don’t have feelings. A teacher of mine who was trying to get sexual with me once touched me down there, which I stopped him immediately and that was the end of our friendship. The thing is I didn’t feel anything at all when he touched me, and that added to my worry that I really don’t have feelings after all but I tried to give myself hope that I do have cus anytime I watched those erotic movies I felt something which I can’t explain. So when I got to University, I tried to change my behavior and allowed a guy hug me for the first time, I did feel something and I got wet, that assured me that my feelings are intact. Right now I am dating for the first time in my life and I’ve been doing really naughty stuff with my boyfriend which excludes sex.

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My point is the day he proposed to me I was really turned on and wet as well, he tried to kiss me on three different occasions which I didn’t allow but in all three occasions I was so turned on and wet that I even thought I was on my period. When I finally gave in to his kiss, I feel I was supposed to feel more than what I felt. I was wet alright but I didn’t feel any pleasure like I did feel when I watched those movies. Recently before vacation he fingered me and my worry has really grown because as usual I was only wet but I didn’t feel any pleasure. In the process he talked dirty to me and I got turned on and felt that pleasure. I gathered courage and touched him and he let out a moan and it turned me on like I wanted. So now my problem is am I normal not to feel anything when my guy kisses and fingers me but I feel something when he talks dirty to me, moans or watch erotic movies. The problem isn’t that my guy doesn’t kiss me well nor fingers well, he does that perfectly well just like in the movies but I don’t know why I just don’t feel the pleasure. Sometimes I do but not as much as I’m expecting. Or could it be people have just overrated this kissing and fingering that I’m expecting to feel more than what I’m feeling or probably it could be that I never allowed a guy touch me that way before and so I shouldn’t expect much or maybe I just don’t have the feelings at all,or is getting wet all that I’m supposed to feel? I can’t visit the hospital with this cus I can’t let my mom find out what I’ve been doing and I can’t tell anyone as well…..

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